MEPs dive headfirst into fitness, and empty pool

There have been cynical mutterings about the claimed five million Euro swimming pool that the European Parliament is supposedly building, and some are describing this as an example of financial fecundity. Of course, examination of the supposed cost would expose this untruth for what it is. Five million is clearly far too much for a swimming pool, unless of course it had Ludivine Sagnier in it. No, the project isn’t for a swimming pool, it’s an Aqua Gym. Completely different. Who can seriously doubt that our elected representatives need such an establishment. Even MEP Richard Corbett of the United Kingdom says that “a gym is a good idea.” At a time when the European Union is facing innumerable crises, doesn’t it make clear sense for our MEPs to be in excellent physical condition? After a long journey on the Strasbourg - Brussels express, isn’t it only compassionate to allow our hard working representatives the chance to relax, clear their heads with some healthy excercise before going into battle for their constituents? Let’s be honest, a humble swimming pool just isn’t enough. A fullyequipped aqua gym is the only option for offering the wide range of services the wider members require. Some may short at the idea of a sauna, but experience has shown the many health benefits of such a practice and it would make the more northern of our MEPs feel more at home if they could grab a quick sauna and then beat themselves with birch sticks. Besides, the new sauna is going to be the first green sauna, powered exclusively by solar energy, thanks to a funding initiative from the Greens. Although current technical limitations mean that the current projected temperature of the eco-sauna is predicted to be 14 degrees, it is the principle that matters and research will only bring increased benefits in time, something that should warm the heart of anyone using the sauna. Additional environmental benefits are to come from connecting the ranks of exercise bikes and treadmills to the European Parliament grid. It is hoped that the power generated could be used to beam pro-Europe messages from a beacon in Place Luxembourg. Another keenly anticipated feature is the steam baths. What could be more appropriate than some discrete hammans, where a tired and flaccid Member could take his interns for a spot on team building and bonding. This is bound to increase the efficiency of many a private office and could help reduce the 30 percent absenteeism rate amongst MEPs. If spending a tiny fraction of the budget on providing such a range of facilities encourages more MEPs to turn up to work, who can doubt that this indeed money well spent.